Rating:

Lies The Author Tells. . .

Author: Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

The lies we believe inform our responses to the world around us, leading us into sin and suffering. In Lies Women Believe Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth exposes and dissects some of the most common lies Satan tells women – lies that impact their entire lives, from their perceptions of self and family to their ultimate happiness and place in the world. In some cases, Wolgemuth’s brash, no-rose-tinted look exposes refreshing truths and empowers women to embrace God’s love. In other cases, her lack of personal knowledge and experience, alongside her black-and-white approach, leaves readers feeling judged and reeling. Wolgemuth certainly has good intentions, and even good points, but her specific approach to marriage and children are both extra-Biblical and sanctimonious.

But first – let’s talk about the structure of the book and what does work. The main content is sandwiched between an introduction that refreshes readers on the nature of Satan and the harmfulness of his lies and an epilogue that summarizes the lies discussed and the need to move from lies into truth. The middle portion of the book (ten chapters) examines particular lies with Wolgemuth (and sometimes her friends) breaking down the lies into their component parts and confronting them with Biblical truths. As with most books, the intro and epilogue are weak, with the hard-hitting material being imbedded in the middle.

Wolgemuth often has some good points, especially in earlier sections. She talks about lies women believe about God, including “God is not really good, God doesn’t love me, God should fix my problems,” and so forth. All the answers to these issues (although I’d say not strictly women’s issues with God) are, in my estimation anyway, well addressed and supported by Biblical principles.

Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

Wolgemuth is also all about taking ownership of our sins. A lot of the questions are siren songs to abdicate responsibility, along the lines of “I’m just that way,” or “it isn’t so bad,” or “I can’t live that way / be that strict,” or even “I deserve xyz,” etc. These types of questions appear again and again over multiple sections, such as lies women believe about God, themselves, sin, priorities, sexuality, circumstances, and emotion. It’s not necessarily a nice way to say, “grow up and deal with your lack of self-control,” but perhaps it’s the between-the-eyes feedback we needed. It is certainly accurate. We are ultimately responsible for our actions and reactions. God does not condemn us for being tempted, but for giving in to the temptation. And, that being said, there are many “feel good” sections dealing with lies about God’s love, bringing it home that no matter what we have done or how we feel, God can and does love and forgive us.

So far, so good. But then, there are the sections about marriage and children. This is where Wolgemuth goes a little crazy. Let’s start with marriage. A picture may be worth a thousand words . . . but these words, quoted from Wolgemuth herself, certainly paint an unforgettable picture:

At times I have asked women who are discouraged by the inactivity of their husbands, “What’s the worst that could happen if you didn’t quickly jump in to handle the situation?” Yes, some things might fall through the cracks. There might be some inconvenience or discomfort involved. But is it possible that the fallout may be what it takes to motivate your husband to step up to the plate? Do you trust the Lord enough to be willing to let your husband fail in some way, if necessary, and to leave the consequences in the hands of our unfailingly loving and sovereign God (182).

Image by Jennifer from Pixabay

While Wolgemuth does a good job explaining that “helper” (ezer) in a Biblical context is more akin to an essential partner than to a servant, her idea of submission is more aligned with mealy-mouthed weakness and downright bad partner behavior. Wolgemuth herself admits that she was single until her 50s, and only in this revised book does she even own her new marriage (which is clearly still in the honeymoon phase). This makes it even more difficult to take this high-handed advice. So – the woman should remain silent for fear of “emasculating” men (yes, she does use this term). In her estimation, women’s liberation is responsible for a “passive” generation of men who, with very little provocation, will happily hand over the reins and go take a nap.

In my opinion, that’s a downright insult to men. It’s also a misinterpretation of good partnership. Wolgemuth bases her understanding on Gensis, where she firmly blames Eve, letting Adam off the hook. After all, Eve talks with the servant, eats, and makes the decision, instead of deferring to Adam, who is there. Apparently Adam, despite eating and also having no self-control, is just a victim of Eve.

As the chapter goes on, Wolgemuth destroys all her good points and interpretations, even noting that during prayer meetings she is quiet, for fear of shaking these weak-willed men who need time, silence, and endless acclimation (another word she uses) to strive. Now . . . I don’t recall anywhere in the Bible where “submission” was to all men – only to a husband, and only within the limits of partnership and with the equal understand that the man must be willing to die for the woman, like Christ for his church. Here, instead, we have some very apathetic males with sore egos, something accidentally highlighted by Wolgemuth’s story that her current husband’s first wife once criticized his prayer, causing him (rightfully, Wolgemuth says) to never pray with her again. Is this kindergarten? Likewise, what kind of true helper sees danger and remains silent, allowing disaster to befall her partner? What about the Biblical stories that show women in strong partnership roles, such as when Moses’ wife performed the circumcision of their infant and God accepted her act in her husband’s steed (Exodus 4:25) or when Abagail (Nabal’s wife) approached David and saved her kingdom on behalf of her husband? What about the entire story of Queen Esther? These were active, smart partners, not women who would happily sit through a bankruptcy (that would likely affect more than just her and her husband) and be quite so the man could learn initiative. The fact that this comes from a perennially single person who has just recently gotten married is even more laughable. Lady, wait until you have your first disagreement.

And then . . . then there is the chapter about children. I’m sure you see where this is going. All married women must be mothers (barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, preferably watching their husband make one devastating mistake after another) and all forms of broth control and family planning are equivalent to abortion. Wolgemuth tackles the old, “what if we can’t afford 12 children and it will be irresponsible to bring more into the world and watch them starve” argument – a VERY good one – with a Hallmark bit of sap about praying and God will provide no matter what.

Image by Alisa Dyson from Pixabay

First, history has proven that may Christian families with too many children have not ended up blessed beyond measure with endless food and finances. Second – should I presume that all medical intervention is also out, then, since this would, by the same estimation, be defying God’s will. If we get cancer, we should not treat it then. That is human intervention. I suppose if we see a car about to hit us, instead of jumping aside, we should pray for a miracle. Is anyone hearing the old story about the man who drowns on his rooftop, even though God sends a boat and a helicopter, and then blames God for not rescuing him? Here’s the real cherry on top: Wolgemuth does not have and never did have any children. She has portions of this chapter written by a friend instead.

In the end, while Lies Women Believe has some good stuff, it also has some dangerous stuff that is ill-thought out and overly simplistic. It does not acknowledge the complexities of two of the biggest things in a woman’s life, and Wolgemuth’s hubristic nature leaves audiences questioning everything that came before. With such unsound logic interspersed among good old home truths (we’re not a subject to our emotions or our circumstances, for instance) we are left to doubt everything.

I struggled with the rating on this book. I still don’t know. Read with caution and with your Bible handy, and check Wolgemuth’s scriptures. She often bases her main ideas on one or two scriptures, and many times these are tiny excerpts from the psalms. Some of her arguments may have weight, but many are flawed and incomplete. Approach with caution.

 

– Frances Carden

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Frances Carden
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